My Grief Is Like the Ocean: A Story for Children Who Lost a Parent to Suicide

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Like the ocean, waves of grief come and go. At first it feels like the waves are crashing over your head, but then, eventually, the grief begins to recede. The grief will most likely rise again in some form or fashion, but enjoying the calm and being thankful for the times when grief isn’t too bad is an important part of the healing process. It’s easy to feel guilty for “being ok,” but it’s a positive thing when you make progress after a devastating loss or difficult experience. And everyone will experience the waves of grief in a different way. Grief is painful. There's no other way to get past the sometimes excruciating pain other than by allowing yourself to feel it. Once you go through the most painful part of your grief, you'll emerge a different person with a renewed sense of resiliency and a different outlook. People expect you to have moved to a different stage if you they don’t see you for a period of time. They’re surprised when you’re not there. And I think a lot of people said, “We don’t know what to say.” And I would say, “That’s cool, because I don’t know what to say either.” And sometimes you don’t want to say anything except know that they’re there. it was just … It was confusing, really confusing. The waves of grief are no different. You might understand intellectually that they will keep coming, but some days they hit more forcefully, more fiercely than you ever imagined possible. And just when you thought you might be able to predict the next set, a rogue wave comes rushing in, undermining your balance and sweeping your feet out from under you." When you have reasonable expectations of the grieving process and how you’ll react to your grief, you allow yourself the freedom to work through your pain and suffering at your own pace. Everyone grieves differently and will take as much or as little time as is necessary for healing.

Grief is typically conceptualized as a reaction to death, though it can occur anytime reality is not what we wanted, hoped for, or expected.”I love the old Groucho Marks quote, “ I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member,” but I like to rephrase that quote a bit for the good of my letting go process , Lashing out or hurting others inappropriately, making them a target for your unhappiness or perceived injustice. It is finding gratitude in what we have instead of what has been lost. This may sound trite and obvious, but it’s a powerful healing tool. Anger is a very complex emotion. It presents itself physically, emotionally, and psychologically. We are taught about anger in our families of origin. Often it is an emotion that is tolerated or stifled to various degrees. As children, we model what we observe and are taught how to self-regulate anger. It might range from slight annoyance to rage. Anger is a reaction to pain, loss of control, or a perceived threat or injustice to our self or someone we care about. One’s reaction will differ based on the perception of the threat. Our reaction can frighten us as well as others. How may we feel and express anger? August 26, I lost my “ Other Mother”, August 31 my maternal grandmother passed away and October 28th, my mother left this earth for her own journey to the Summerland.

Comparing your grief journey to others sets you up to have false expectations of what grief feels like. No two persons will ever grieve the same. The sooner you understand and embrace this concept, the faster you’ll get to work on healing from your loss. Share your grief experiences Grief is like crazy weather. Sometimes showers and storms pop up when you least expect them. ~LauraJay Excessive drinking, spending, eating, and gambling (poor decisions) that suppresses angry feelings and can cause irreparable harm to yourself and your relationships. Often I considered letting myself sink. I grew tired of living, and I felt scared and resentful of living without the man I love. Giving up seemed like a relief. But I have two daughters. The most precious gift from the love I shared with Jason. They also were trying their best to learn to swim in their own ocean of grief. So giving up would mean adding to their sorrow and I wasn’t prepared to cause them even more pain. The grieving process can feel like different-sized ocean waves that continue to hit us as ebbing and flowing tides of grief.

What is anger?

As we’ve grown older, the question becomes what to do thoughtfully, emotionally, and spiritually to survive a significant loss. Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. We can only provide our unique services thanks to the generosity of people like you. Your support helps us support more people suffering through loss. Donate now This morning I looked out my front door, and it dawned on me that my mother will never pull into my driveway again. We will never be able chat over coffee and a cigarette in her van. She will never attend any of my children’s milestones like birthdays or graduations. The grief washed over me like a tidal wave from the ocean.