It is also noticeable that both the narrator and Buntu are resilient when it comes to retrieving their son’s body. In contrast to the past when families might have had several children die, death in childhood is now rare.

Aware that this is not everyone’s belief, I gently expressed to her that my son and her brother might still be around in spirit, and with no hesitation, she wholeheartedly agreed.

Similarly the parents' own positive mental health and ability to fulfill important life goals going forward contributes to a stronger support system for surviving siblings. Parents who experience the death of an older child usually have many of the feelings already discussed in relation to infants. The Expanded Grief Screening Inventory is a 20-item measure developed to assess complicated bereavement in children and adolescents. It is important to consider not only the degree of overt function and dysfunction following loss, but also the ways in which memories and thoughts about the deceased are discussed, thought about, and serve an active role in the emotional and mental life of the bereaved. With the dramatic increase in the survival of low birth weight babies, the death of a very tiny, sick, or deformed newborn is no longer always expected.

Even with such a traumatic bereavement people do usually find that the feelings become easier to cope with over time.

For example the level of openness in communication of facts and feelings about the loss with both adults and children, the expectations of the length and quality of the grief process, the use of particular rituals and symbolic processes, and decision making patterns can vary enormously and should inform intervention approaches. While it doesn't take the place of seeing a dedicated professional, groups can add another layer of support. Particularly difficult and stressful for the mother is carrying a dead fetus when movement has ceased. Stress inoculation involves such techniques as feeling identification, relaxation techniques, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, thought stopping, cognitive coping skills, enhancing the individual's sense of safety, psycho-education, and understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors [ 48]. Influencing these systems through education, dissemination of information, consultation, and support can significantly expand the help available to siblings and other family members.